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for future reference

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“I beg you, have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. The point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing, live your way into the answers.” — Rainer Maria Rilke

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I Will Never Pursue You

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hmm

ARABY

Maybe I’m beginning to like you a lot,
but I will never pursue you.
 
 
Around me, I’m tempted by all these pawns
calling me to use them,
looking me in the eye, saying
maybe you and I can ”accidentally” bump into each other in a coffee shop;
maybe we can schedule “friendly dates” with a bunch of conniving friends;
maybe I can start “innocent” topics with you over that gleaming chat box,
ask you things that no one would brand as bad,
I can even send you “wrong sends.”
But even this early, I realized
that albeit pawns are the most numerous pieces in a game,
at the end of the day,
they are but
the weakest.


 first-line-pawn--large-msg-1133112801-2
 
























Don’t get me wrong -

I want to be with you.
Just to get to know you more,
I am ready to manipulate
so many things -
things…

View original post 511 more words

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Nirvana

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Oh baby, oh baby, oh we both know the truth

If it were the real me and you,
This wouldn’t be the right thing to do
Now the room is all hazy, we’re too lost in the fumes
I feel like it’s just me and you,
Yeah we got nothing to lose

It’s too late to run away from it all
It’s too late to get away from it all
I’m done with running so I give in to you

This moment has caused a reaction
Resulting in our reattachment

Will you take me to nirvana?
I don’t think this will last
But you’re here in my arms

Oh baby, oh baby, oh, we both feel the same
I’m not gonna give you my name
And I don’t think you want that to change
We’re in this together, we don’t know who we are
Even if it’s moving too fast,
Baby we should take it too far

It’s too late to run away from it all
It’s too late to get away from it all
I’m done with running so I give in to you

This moment has caused a reaction
Resulting in our reattachment

Will you take me to nirvana?
I don’t think this will last
But you’re here in my arms

Will you take me to nirvana?
I don’t think this will last
But you’re here in my arms

Link
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You give me something

I was meant to tread the water
But now I’ve gotten in too deep

For every piece of me that wants you
Another piece backs away

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing 
But I’m willing to give it a try

Please give me something
Because someday I might know my heart

lalalala

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CASE REPORT:

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Patient is a 21-year old female, Filipina, Roman Catholic, single, a graduate of BS Biology, currently a 3rd year medical school student, and is residing in Quezon City for the past 3 years.

HISTORY OF PRESENT ILLNESS:

Seventeen years prior to consult, patient was in her pre-school class and the teacher asked them what they want to be when they grow up. Most of her classmates answered “I want to become a doctor!” Since the patient really had no idea what to answer, she immediately said that she wanted to become a doctor as well. From then on until she reached Grade 6, she would always answer that her dream job is to become a doctor because she thought that wearing a coat and carrying a stethoscope were really cool. Aside from that, all of her close friends wanted to become doctors as well. Moreover, in the patient’s perception, doctors are rich and they always have their own car. So what is there not to like in that job?

Seven years prior to consult, patient was in her 3rd year in high school and she was answering her application form for the college entrance examination. She wondered what course she will choose. And then these questions crossed her mind: “Do you really want to become a doctor? Why?” She was able to answer the first question but she struggled with the second one. She was thinking that being a doctor would secure a good future for her and her family, so why not? And besides, doctors save lives. These two reasons were enough to convince herself to follow the said path. Thus, she chose BS Biology as her pre-med course. At that time, she did not know what she was putting herself into.

Three years prior to consult, patient was wondering what major field she should take. Most of those who wanted to enter medical school took Zoology. However, at that moment she was already having doubts whether she should still pursue her dream because she learned that medical school education requires a lot of financial investment. And her priority at that time was to have a high-paying job right after graduation so that she can help her family. Therefore, she chose Microbiology instead. Patient thought that she was settled with the decision to pursue a career in the industry as a microbiologist; however, the thoughts of becoming a doctor still bug her from time to time. As a result, she decided to take the NMAT and see what will happen from there. Surprisingly, she had a high percentile which made her confident to apply in UPCM and SLCM. She claimed that her medical school education depends on whether she would be able to get scholarships.

Two years prior to consult, patient was not accepted at UPCM and she thought that that was the end of her dream. However, SLCM offered her a full scholarship. She thought that it was a long shot, but it happened. From then on she believed that this was the path made for her. At present, patient is a 3rd year medical student and she complains of back ache and neck pain due to long hours of reading transes and making case reports. Across the pile of transes and through the countless sleepless nights, the patient found happiness in what she was doing and she discovered that being able to touch patients’ lives even through the smallest way possible brings her contentment.

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This is why I hate you.

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I hate you during these times that I miss you. I hate you because you make me miss you. I hate you because you don’t think of me like I think of you. I hate you when it seems that you don’t care, but i also hate you when you make me feel that I matter. I hate you for all the times that you made me feel special and happy. I hate you because of so many things. I hate you because even if i could list down so many things that I dont like about you, I’m still crazy about you.